Quotes
Below is a list of all the quotes you will see randomly on the right side of the page.
Inara: "What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?"
Mal: "That it was manly and impulsive?"
Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."
Mal: "That it was manly and impulsive?"
Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."
Firefly
Kaylee: "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I-- how 'bout that!"
Mal: "Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to buy that frippery, and you're supposed to make me look respectable."
Kaylee: "Yessir, Captain Tight Pants."
Mal: "Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to buy that frippery, and you're supposed to make me look respectable."
Kaylee: "Yessir, Captain Tight Pants."
Firefly
Harrow: "I know him. And I think he's a psychotic lowlife."
Mal: "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community."
Mal: "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community."
Firefly
River: "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems."
Mal: "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like."
Mal: "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like."
Firefly
Mal: "Are you offering me a trade?"
Jayne: "A trade!? Hell, it's theft! This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got."
Mal: "What I got? She has a name."
Jayne: "So does this! I call it Vera."
Mal: "Well, my days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."
Jayne: "A trade!? Hell, it's theft! This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got."
Mal: "What I got? She has a name."
Jayne: "So does this! I call it Vera."
Mal: "Well, my days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."
Firefly
Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'...
Jayne Cobb
We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.
Malcolm Reynolds
I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.
Malcolm Reynolds
Well they tell you: never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on occasion, hilarious.
Malcolm Reynolds
And Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?
Malcolm Reynolds
Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I'm just a good man. (stabs him again) Well, I'm all right.
Malcolm Reynolds
I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has lepers.
Shepherd Book
If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
Shepherd Book
Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing!? Oh right, that would be me. Back to work.
Wash
People Quotes
Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else.
Albert Einstein
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein
You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
Albert Einstein
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
Ambrose Bierce
I love Thanksgiving turkey...it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.
Bob Hope
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
Dave Barry
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
Douglas Adams
It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an Airport' appear.
Douglas Adams
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams
He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
Douglas Adams
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
Douglas Adams
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Elbert Hubbard
I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.
Herbert Bayard Swope
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Rowan Atkinson
According to my scientist, your boobies are outta luck.
Seeley Booth
Without a little insanity every day, I'd go insane!
SoC
If I were normal... Hehe... Nevermind.
Unknown
62.15% of all statistics are meaningless.
Unknown
We don't have any wheat here.
Wendy's Drive-Thru
Book Quotes
The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.
Mostly Harmless
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
Mostly Harmless
Luke: "What's the first thing you learned in training to be a Jedi?"
Ben: "Don't cut off your own head with your lightsaber."
Luke: "After that."
Ben: "Your eyes can deceive you. Be mindful of your feelings. Girls are fun but dangerous. Lando has extra cards up his sleeve."
Luke: "Well, the truth is in there somewhere..."
Ben: "Don't cut off your own head with your lightsaber."
Luke: "After that."
Ben: "Your eyes can deceive you. Be mindful of your feelings. Girls are fun but dangerous. Lando has extra cards up his sleeve."
Luke: "Well, the truth is in there somewhere..."
Outcast
Han: "So, spit it out."
C-3PO: "Droids are unable to salivate, Captain Solo."
C-3PO: "Droids are unable to salivate, Captain Solo."
Star Wars: Legacy of the Force 3: Tempest
C-3PO: "A mountian range! That will certainly complicate our escape."
Han: "Complicate? If it wereme flying, you'd be back there yelling, We're doomed, we're doomed!"
Han: "Complicate? If it wereme flying, you'd be back there yelling, We're doomed, we're doomed!"
Star Wars: Legacy of the Force 3: Tempest
As he emerged from the bacta tank, his comrades spoke.
Face said, “Forgive the intrusion, but we heard the new vintage of Piggy was being decanted.
Lara said, “But it looks like it turned to vinegar.”
Dia said, “And it’s corked.”
A young Devaronian he didn't know said, "I am pleased to meet you. I need you to kill me. Nobody else will."
The perky technician said, "You'll need as much as possible to avoid activities that put a strain on your stomach muscles."
Janson said, "To make sure you remember this little event, we've had some special things made up for you. Bacta-flavored candy. Bacta-flavored brandy. Bacta-flavored cheese."
Shalla said, "Kell and I worked up an instruction manual for you. It's called, 'How to Dodge'."
Piggy mopped away at his damp skin and allowed himself a slight smile. It was good to be home.
Face said, “Forgive the intrusion, but we heard the new vintage of Piggy was being decanted.
Lara said, “But it looks like it turned to vinegar.”
Dia said, “And it’s corked.”
A young Devaronian he didn't know said, "I am pleased to meet you. I need you to kill me. Nobody else will."
The perky technician said, "You'll need as much as possible to avoid activities that put a strain on your stomach muscles."
Janson said, "To make sure you remember this little event, we've had some special things made up for you. Bacta-flavored candy. Bacta-flavored brandy. Bacta-flavored cheese."
Shalla said, "Kell and I worked up an instruction manual for you. It's called, 'How to Dodge'."
Piggy mopped away at his damp skin and allowed himself a slight smile. It was good to be home.
Star Wars: X-Wing 7: Solo Command
Scout: Yes! Yes, exactly!...How did you know?
Yoda: Secret, shall I tell you? Grand Master of Jedi Order am I! Won this job in a raffle I did, think you? How did you know, how did you know, Master Yoda? Master Yoda knows these things. His job it is.
Yoda: Secret, shall I tell you? Grand Master of Jedi Order am I! Won this job in a raffle I did, think you? How did you know, how did you know, Master Yoda? Master Yoda knows these things. His job it is.
Star Wars: Yoda: Dark Redezvous
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own set of laws.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
The Hitchikers Guide To The Galaxy
We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.
The Hitchikers Guide To The Galaxy
Movie Quotes
We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode.
Jayne Cobb
Doctor, I'm taking your sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear to you, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears.
Malcolm Reynolds
So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave.
Malcolm Reynolds
I have to say, Captain: I'm impressed that you would come for her yourself. And that you would make it this far...in that outfit.
Operative
I swallowed a bug.
River Tam
Wash: "Yeah well, if she doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting."
Mal: "Define interesting."
Wash: "Oh god oh god we're all gonna die?"
Mal: (into PA System) "This is the captain. We have a...little problem with our engine sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then...explode."
Mal: "Define interesting."
Wash: "Oh god oh god we're all gonna die?"
Mal: (into PA System) "This is the captain. We have a...little problem with our engine sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then...explode."
Serenity
Mal: "Yeah well, just get us on the ground."
Wash: "That part will happen pretty definitely."
Wash: "That part will happen pretty definitely."
Serenity
Mal: "Zoe, ship is yours. Remember: if anything happens to me, if you don't hear from me within the hour, you take the ship -- and you come and you rescue me."
Zoe: "What? Risk my ship?"
Zoe: "What? Risk my ship?"
Serenity
Operative: "That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain."
Mal: "Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it." (to Inara) "Yes, I've read a poem, try not to faint."
Mal: "Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it." (to Inara) "Yes, I've read a poem, try not to faint."
Serenity
Operative: "I have a warship in deep orbit, Captain. We locked onto Serenity's pulse beacon the moment you hit atmo. I can speak a word and send a missile to that exact location inside of three minutes."
Mal: "You do that," (pulls out Serenity's pulse beacon) "you'd best make peace with your dear and fluffy Lord."
Mal: "You do that," (pulls out Serenity's pulse beacon) "you'd best make peace with your dear and fluffy Lord."
Serenity
Mal: "I never credited the Alliance with an overabundance of brains, and if you're the best they've got-"
Operative: "Captain Reynolds, I should tell you, so that you don't waste your time: you can't make me angry."
Inara: "Please. Spend an hour with him."
Operative: "Captain Reynolds, I should tell you, so that you don't waste your time: you can't make me angry."
Inara: "Please. Spend an hour with him."
Serenity
Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, 'cause I don't think that's ever gettin' old.
Wash
TV Show Quotes
Chloe: "Can you do that without talking?"
Morris: "I could, it would be a terrible waste of my charm."
Morris: "I could, it would be a terrible waste of my charm."
24
Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?"
Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps."
Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps."
Firefly
Wilson: "House, you're right! Why not? Why not date you?? It's brilliant; we've known each other for years, we've put up with all kinds of crap from each other, and we keep coming back. We're a couple!"
House: "Are you still speaking metaphorically?"
House: "Are you still speaking metaphorically?"
House
Cameron: "What's with the jacket?"
House: "It keeps me warm and cool. How does it know?"
House: "It keeps me warm and cool. How does it know?"
House
Cuddy: "Why did you?"
House: "Why does a dog lick its workplace-acceptable euphemism for testicles?"
House: "Why does a dog lick its workplace-acceptable euphemism for testicles?"
House
Tritter: "Merry Christmas."
House: "Happy go to hell."
House: "Happy go to hell."
House
Chase: "We've got an MRI scheduled in twenty minutes. Earliest Foreman could get the machine."
House: "I teach you to lie and cheat and steal and the second my back is turned you wait in line!"
House: "I teach you to lie and cheat and steal and the second my back is turned you wait in line!"
House
House: "How are we doing on cotton swabs today? If there's a critical shortage, I could run home."
Cuddy: "No you couldn't."
House: "Nice."
Cuddy: "No you couldn't."
House: "Nice."
House
House: "I assume 'minimal at best' is your stiff upper lip British way of saying 'no chance in hell.'"
Chase: "Actually, I'm Australian."
House: "You put the Queen on your money, you're British."
Chase: "Actually, I'm Australian."
House: "You put the Queen on your money, you're British."
House
Chase: "How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?"
House: "I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life."
House: "I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life."
House
Cuddy:"Dr. House! Need you here."
House:"No thanks. Lotta sick people. I might catch something."
House:"No thanks. Lotta sick people. I might catch something."
House
GIR: "GIR, reporting for duty."
Zim: "GIR? What does the G stand for?"
GIR: "I don't know."
Zim: "GIR? What does the G stand for?"
GIR: "I don't know."
Invader Zim
Zim: "Ummm...is it supposed to be stupid?"
Tallest Purple: "It's not stupid, it's advanced!"
Tallest Purple: "It's not stupid, it's advanced!"
Invader Zim
Zim: "How could you not know?! I just upgraded your guidance system!"
GIR: "Oh. I left that at home."
Zim: "You left what at home?"
GIR: "The guidy chippy thingy."
Zim: "You! Why would you do that?!"
GIR: "To make room for the cupcake!"
GIR: "Oh. I left that at home."
Zim: "You left what at home?"
GIR: "The guidy chippy thingy."
Zim: "You! Why would you do that?!"
GIR: "To make room for the cupcake!"
Invader Zim
Zim: "What are you doing, GIR?"
GIR: "Nothing..."
Zim: "Nothing... or something?"
GIR: "Oh, I can't take it, you're too smart for me. Keef is planning a s'prise party for you after skool. He gonna bring all the kids because he loves you! [crying] That boy loves you so much! [stops crying] I'm makin' the cake!"
GIR: "Nothing..."
Zim: "Nothing... or something?"
GIR: "Oh, I can't take it, you're too smart for me. Keef is planning a s'prise party for you after skool. He gonna bring all the kids because he loves you! [crying] That boy loves you so much! [stops crying] I'm makin' the cake!"
Invader Zim
Zim: "You haven't touched it? Something is broken and it's not your fault?"
GIR: "I know...I'm scared too..."
GIR: "I know...I'm scared too..."
Invader Zim
Zim: "Why was there bacon in the soap?!!!"
GIR: "I made it myself!"
GIR: "I made it myself!"
Invader Zim
Dib: "Don't you care that Zim is trying to destroy all mankind? Huh?"
Gaz: "But he's so bad at it."
Gaz: "But he's so bad at it."
Invader Zim
Zim: "GIR! Unleash the monkey!"
GIR: "...MONKEY!"
GIR: "...MONKEY!"
Invader Zim
Kate: "Don't dismiss me like that, ok. I earned my jock strap."
Gibbs: "Yeah? It ever give you that empty feeling?"
Kate: "What?"
Gibbs: "Your jockstrap!"
Kate: "No, like some species of frog, I grow what I need."
Gibbs: "Yeah? It ever give you that empty feeling?"
Kate: "What?"
Gibbs: "Your jockstrap!"
Kate: "No, like some species of frog, I grow what I need."
NCIS
Ducky: "You know post mortem details can be extremely revealing. Remember that case four years ago, where the young Marine was buried in an anthill up to his neck?"
Gibbs: "Duck. It was eight years ago. (Points to a body in the morgue) How did he die?"
Ducky: "No, it can't be eight years. No, I know it wasn't! Four years ago your third wife hit you over the head with a baseball bat. I distinctly remember the ant-eaten Marine on that table there when I stitched you up."
Gibbs: "Duck. It was eight years ago. (Points to a body in the morgue) How did he die?"
Ducky: "No, it can't be eight years. No, I know it wasn't! Four years ago your third wife hit you over the head with a baseball bat. I distinctly remember the ant-eaten Marine on that table there when I stitched you up."
NCIS
Character Quotes
Perfume is expensive, Gibbs. I can't just hang out at the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. They frown on that sort of behavior.
Abby Scuito
Why does the woman thing come up when a ship is sinking or there's only one bedroom with a bath?
Anthony DiNozzo
There's no logic to it that I can see. Captain Solo can be quite embarassing enough on his own.
C-3PO
Do we have to go right now? I wanna watch the Scary Monkey Show.
GIR
Must obey the taco man!
GIR
But I need tacos! I need them or I will explode. That happens to me sometimes...
GIR
WHY MY PIGGY?! WHY?! I LOVEDEDED YOU PIGGY! I LOVEDEDED YOUUUUU!!
GIR
And then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head. And then the squirrel flew away! After that, he flew back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys.
GIR
The knowledge, it fills me. It is neat.
GIR
Awww... I wanted to explode.
GIR
I miss my cupcake.
GIR
CHICKEN! I'm gonna eat you!
GIR
Hi floor! Make me a sanmmich!
GIR
Your methods are stupid! Your progress is stupid! Your intelligence is stupid!
GIR
Leia and I can talk. The Noghri can keep each other occupied. But if C-3PO doesn't have R2-D2 to talk to, he'll talk to us. Save me, Luke Skywalker, you're my only hope.
Han Solo
Everybody lies.
House
I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask.
House
There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is --- in fact ---
a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between
love and hate.
House
Like I always say, there's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me,' if you jumble
it up.
House
Well, like the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can't always get what
you want.'
House
To do what I always do in these situations. Treat my patient behind his
back and make him better.
House
Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're
even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I
don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own butt. It's always ugly.
Always. You can live with dignity, we can't die with it.
House
My friends call me 'the cane.' Even before I messed up my leg.
House
I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits.
House
Is this an intervention? You're a little late, since I'm not using drugs anymore. I am, however, still hooked on phonics.
House
I try to kill him, you're mad. I don't kill him, you're mad.
House
Sorry. I already met this month's quota of useless tests for stubborn idiots.
House
I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual.
House
I told you never to call me when I'm on trial.
House
You guys are still thinking like doctors when you should be thinking like plumbers. Come on, I wanna see some butt crack.
House
I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
House
Dude can't button a shirt. How much more damage are we really talking about?
House
Some idiot gave me two tickets for a play tonight. Saved his life. Apparently worth $186.
House
I asked you what two plus two equals and a day later you tell me, 'Not twenty-five.'
House
That was awesome. I gotta start pretending to care.
House
Arrogance has to be earned. Tell me what you've done to earn yours.
House
Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.
House
Dying people lie too. Wish they'd worked less, been nicer, opened orphanages for kittens. If you really want to do something, you do it. You don't save it for a sound bite.
House
Mommy does everything for her family these days. Even swallows their pills.
House
Oh, no! Level Three! Somebody call Jack Bauer!
House
I always say if you're going to get shot, do it in a hospital.
House
Don't worry. Many women learn to live with this parasite. My own mother, for example. Forty-five years and she only complains about it now from time to time.
House
Are you comparing me to God? I mean, it's great, but so you know, I've never made a tree.
House
She has gone from the 25 th weight percentile to the 3 rd in one month. I'm not a baby expert, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to shrink.
House
The great thing about telling somebody they're dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they're willing to die for. What they're willing to lie for.
House
On average, drug addicts are stupid.
House
He drilled a hole in your skull after drinking your pee. I think he's up for this.
House
Slippery slope -- today we withhold porn, tomorrow it's clean bandages.
House
People don't change. For example, I'm gonna keep on repeating 'people don't change.'
House
I picked his team because I heard a hangar tech say it was going to the vilest den of corruption and degeneracy in Consortium space. Naturally, I knew you would show up sooner or later.
Jagged Fel (to Han Solo)
I don't like it that you can win an argument without using verbs.
Luke Skywalker
Son, go beat her up.
Luke Skywalker
That's enough to make me LOL out loud.
Monk
Also? I can kill you with my brain.
River Tam
Another old friend of mine, Wes Janson, the galaxy's least serious man, except when he's killing the enemy or trying to make a point, once said this to me. 'The real sign that someone has become a fanatic,' he said, ' is that he completely loses his sense of humor about some important facet of his life. When humor goes, it means he's lost his perspective.'
Wedge Antilles